I did something I rarely do. I read a book. I can't believe I just admitted to how little I read, I just don't like feeling committed to a book. If the book is good I'm not the kind of person that can just read a little here or there. It consumes my life until it is finished. I normally end up sacrificing way too much sleep and time with the kids just to know what happens in the end. But a few weeks ago I heard a book review on NPR on "Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother" and couldn't stop thinking about it. Then all the sudden it was getting tons of press and well, I still couldn't stop thinking about it so I read it.
Something I definitely don't regret. I don't want to analyze the book too much here. Let me just say that I really enjoyed reading it -to which Jimmy can attest. I would read bits here and there to him and retell parts to anyone who would listen. And I'm about to do the same to you. Ok, so here's the scene. They are at a "mediocre" restaurant for her birthday because her husband forgot to make reservations. Her 10 year old daughter just gave her a birthday card that is basically a piece of paper folded in half with a smiley face that says, "Happy Birthday, I love you." Or something like that.
I gave the card back to Lulu. "I don't want this," I said. "I want a better one -one that you've put some thought and effort into..."
I grabbed the card again and flipped it over. I pulled out a pen from my purse and scrawled "Happy Birthday Lulu Whoopee!" I added a big sour face. "What if I gave you this for your birthday, Lulu-would you like that? But I would never do that, Lulu. No-I get you magicians and giant slides that cost me hundreds of dollars. I get you huge ice cream cakes shaped like penguins and I spend half my salary on stupid sticker and eraser party favors that everyone just throws away. I work so hard to give you good birthdays! I deserve better than this. So I reject this." I threw the card back.
So that gives you a taste of the book. And some of you are probably thinking, "Well, why should she want to do something nice for her psychopath mom?" It is extreme and while I totally disagree with her method, I do kind of like the message. How many of us would act all excited to receive some dinky card that our 10 year old threw together at the last minute with no real thought. Shouldn't we teach our kids that when you put time and effort into something for someone it shows love and appreciation and shows the opposite if we don't. She's definitely less concerned about her children's feelings and more concerned about preparing them for life (or maybe she's more concerned for her own feelings... I haven't decided yet). But anyway, a common theme in her chinese parenting approach is if you expect less from your kids it's like telling them you don't think they're capable of more, but if you push them and expect great things it's like telling them you believe they are capable of great things. Like, I said, I like a lot of the ideas not the teaching method. There are kinder more loving ways to teach similar principles. I really could go on forever about this topic so I better wrap this up. If you haven't decided that this woman is evil and you don't want to support her in any way, you should read this book =)
Posts
